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Why dwelling does no good

When you experience a trauma, there is a very fine line between truly experiencing all of the emotions associated with the event, allowing you to process and truly move on and on the other side, dwelling on the events that makes you bitter and hurt more than is absolutely necessary. Here are some ways to make sure you are processing through the event without causing yourself needless harm.

If you are going through a divorce or have recently finalized one you probably feel like your life is out of your control.

Few things can rip your life apart like divorce. So it takes time to go through the healing process and move on. It will be awhile before you feel completely like yourself again, but there are some things you can do to help move the process along a little quicker.

1. Get Counseling
Talking to a professional about what’s going on can help get you through a time that is completely devastating. It is beneficial to talk with a trained counselor who offers support services for divorce. The counselor will be able to help you navigate through the different emotions you are experiencing, the various legal terms you are struggling to understand, and how to deal with new situations like a visitation schedule for your children. Divorce counseling can give you practical solutions that you can immediately incorporate into your daily life.

2. Find a Hobby
Going through a divorce can leave you with a non-stop whirlwind of thoughts, which can become consuming. Getting involved in a new activity can help distract you from constantly over analyzing your situation. Is there an activity that has always interested you but you’ve never had the time to try it? Is there a new skill you have always wanted to learn? Learning a new skill or hobby will help turn your thoughts to things other than your divorce. You could even discover a new talent you have, which will boost your confidence during this depressing time.

3. Hang With Friends
It sucks to be alone right now, so get together with the people who know and love you, and get together with them frequently. Set up coffee dates, beer talks, dinner parties, etc. Make plans with people in advance so you that you are obliged to go. Force yourself to get out and go to gatherings and functions even when it seems uncomfortable. It is enticing to stay home alone and mope, but that is not the best thing for you right now. It will take time to get used to doing things stag, but ending a marriage requires taking risks. Avoid the temptation to start dating because doing so too soon just interrupts the healing process.

4. Volunteer Somewhere
Sometimes the best way to forget about our problems is to help those worse off than us. Focusing on other people and their needs can help us forget about our own issues, if even just for a short period of time. Helping others can also make you feel good. People who give back to those in need by donating their time often experience what is called ‘helper’s high.’ Helping others could give you a sense of optimism and empowerment that you may not have felt since before the divorce. Having a new sense of purpose during this tumultuous time can be invaluable

There is no question that you will feel the sting of divorce for a while. It takes time to heal, but with the right set of tools, you can get past your divorce a little quicker and with a little less pain.

You can read more advice from Kurt at Guy Stuff Counseling, Facebook, Google+, and Twitter.


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